So Long Summer...

It's the first day of fall.
Every since I was a little girl, summer has always been my favorite time of year. I love getting in a car so hot you can't touch anything. I love wearing tank tops, sandals, and sunglasses everyday. I love playing in the sprinklers and watching soccer games and not freezing. I love driving at night with the windows down. I hate when Summer ends. I always feel like there are things I didn't get to do, outfits I forgot to wear , or events that I missed out on.

This year has been especially bad. I missed dinners with friends, outdoor concerts, birthday parties, farmers markets, bridal showers, family dinners and much more. I worried Rowan would forget who I was. I couldn't even go to school. I was so tired all summer I barely remember it. Especially July. What a waste. And on top of it my feet ache so constantly that it made it hard to go on summer walks.

Thus I've decided I won't lose my fall too. I want to go to Halloween parties, carve pumpkins, see friends who come to town and drink hot chocolate. I want to have time to do my homework. I want to watch the leaves change and be awake enough to enjoy it. I want to go on fall walks and crunch the fallen leaves with my feet.

So, I'm making some changes.

When I think of the happiest time of my life, summer/fall 2009 is always the first time to come to mind. Not because I was making loads of dough, this was in fact one of the brokest times of my life, but because I had time. I had time to spend with all my friends. Time to keep my car and room clean. Time to sleep, read books, watch movies with my cats, and go to dinner with my mom. Time to sit outside and feel the sun on my face, hear the leaves crunch or play in the snow. The older I get the more I realize how important it is to choose how you spend your time wisely. Money is great. I would love to have more of it, but I also would also like to look back on my life and think I choose to spend my time doing things I love and being with the people I care about. Not crying everyday then spending 8 hours in the dark corner of a department store, only seeing the sun when I went to eat lunch. A friend of mine who's life I always envied used to say: "Work to live, don't live to work". He's right. Life is short. If I die tomorrow, it will be people at my funeral, not shoes, coats, or fancy cars. When I die I want people to say I had time for them when they needed me, I could pick them up from the airport, and they loved having dinner with me. I want them to say, that the memories we made were amazing. Not that I had a "great" job that consumed all my time and that they never saw me. I want to feel happy again.
I'm pretty scared and not sure how I'll do it, but,like I said, I'm making some changes...stay tuned and wish me luck.