Phebee

Last Friday I had to make the hardest decision of my entire life. I had to get my dear Phebee Cat put to sleep. When I came home from work Friday night I noticed my sweet baby was fighting desperately for each and every breath. 6 hours later after many tears, yelling, cursing God and the world,crying hysterically to friends on the phone, and hyper ventilating I was forced to make the gut wrenching choice. My mom and I took her to the vet around 1am and I got to hold her in my arms as she said goodbye to this world. Since then I have not been able to sleep in my room and having been sleeping on the couch in the living room. Being in my room is just to hard. Sleeping is also hard due to the horrible nightmares I've also been having since she passed. I know some of you may not understand the importance of this sweet creature in my life, but truly she was my everything and now I feel like I've lost it all. I don't have many people in my life that I am very close to and trust completely. I don't have any siblings, a boyfriend or husband, and some people in my family are not the greatest of people.
Phebee was my world.

I miss her sweet meow whenever I talked to her. I miss having her always by my side (if not on top of me) when I sleep. Diego misses her too. When I came home to the vet he ran up to me as he always did when I returned from one of Phebee's frequent recent vet visits and looked so hurt she was not there. I keep catching him looking for her in her usual spots too. This is one of the last photos I have of Phebee her weight had dropped dramatically at this point. The only thing I could get her to eat was tuna fish. She was such a fighter and she held on as long as her little body could handle. But eventually it was just to much. I miss my best friend. I miss hugging and cuddling with her and the sound of her sweet purr. She hated when I went on trips and would always try and stop me from packing whenever I dug out my suitcase. I miss my loving friend who was always by my side even through the hardest times of my life. I miss sharing my meals with her. I always knew when I lost my Phebee cat it would be hard. But I am so heartbroken. I don't know what to do anymore. This is 100% percent the worst pain I've ever felt. People have always come and gone from my life by my kitty has been my content companion for the past 14 years. I simply don't know how to live with out her. She hated having her picture taken and would close her eyes. Whenever I go to put whip cream on something I have no one to share it with anymore. I've never felt so alone in my entire life.